Are Kids the Problem?
“Parents are the cornerstone for raising and shaping the life of a child. How we raise our children determines how we shape their world". Becky Kapsalis
“KIDS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM". These were the words of Michael Mendizza co-author of Magical Parent, Magical Child. As a Certified graduate from Academy for Coaching Parents, International (ACPI) seminar in Dallas, I was reminded that all human life begins with parents. Without parents there would be no kids and without kids there would be no need for parents.
As a wife of 50+ yrs, mother of 5 adult married children, grandmother to 21 grandkids, I also learned there is an extraordinary style of parenting that empowers you to tap into your own emotions enabling us to maintain an everlasting 'emotional connection' with your kids.
By identifying and allowing your child's feelings to surface through a feelings based style of parenting, you're helping them experience emotional success. Managing emotions equates to emotional success. Teaching your kids to manage their emotions teaches them to manage their behavior which equals emotional success.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the basis for emotional success. Emotional success is how you respond to internal and external influences through your EQ. What you felt as kids your children are feeling today. You have the benefit of staying one step ahead of our kids' feelings because you've been where they are emotionally. The circumstances are different but the feelings do not change-they just show up at different stages. When you identify and manage your feelings, you can validate and help your children identify and manage their own feelings. The external and internal successes and failures will become catalysts for the outcome of their decisions through the recognizition of their emotional experiences, establishing their self-worth through their EQ . Some experts have documented evidence showing emotional intelligence (EQ) is the driving force behind intelligence quotient (I.Q.). Measured success in all aspects of a child's life (relationships, academics, athletics, community, and church involvement) are being attributed to a child's emotional intelligence (EQ).
When I was a young girl living in Chicago I stormed into my parent's apartment shouting "I hate Judy" - my best friend. Expecting my mom to either take my side or accuse me of doing something to deserve it, she instead asked me to define the feeling of hate. I replied angrily and rather brattily-"who cares?". Mom persisted until I responded. I told her "hate was hurtful, it made me angry and I wanted to punch someone." Mom asked me how the feeling of hate benefited me? Not knowing how to respond, Mom gave me her perspective of what hate was doing to me. She said "your anger is causing your face to become distorted, your attitude is bringing out a selfishness I hadn't seen in you before and it sounds as though your hurtfulness makes you want to hurt someone else. Is this a fair description of what hate is doing to you?" It didn't sink in with me until many years later but this was my first lesson in understanding my feelings and how to manage them. I forgot that I hated Judy..but, to this day, I have not forgotten how being hateful feels.
Kids are not the problem. Validating your kids' feelings helps them understand how to manage them. They learn the benefits of their emotional intelligence and will accept the risks or rewards of deciding which emotional direction they are choosing to take. You can anticipate they will make some poor choices, but having success by learning to manage their emotions will keep them on a less peer influenced and more internal emotional journey.
Unless you are living and/or teaching inappropriate emotional behaviors, you don't have to change a thing about your parenting. You can be natural and transparent to your kids, tapping in on your own insightful resources of feelings and values,remembering
what you were like as a kid.
Kids are not a problem when they experience emotional success.
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Becky aka YiaYia
Without parents there would be no kids and because parents do not come with any more instructions than kids do, this site is dedicated to ensuring that we parents look to ourselves first in providing our kids with the best version of ourselves so they, in turn, can become the best version of themselves.
Indy Parent Help is unlike any other parent help 'how-to's'. As parents we would be fooling ourselves if, from time to time, we didn't experience feelings of frustration and anxiety when dealing with our children. Indy Parent Help will help you TEACH so your kids can REACH 'emotional success'.
Sign up for Indy Parent Help's 12 Step Ladder to Purposeful Parenting- SERVICES to help you focus on understanding the dynamics of teaching your children how to reach emotional success so they can succeed in life.
Indy Parent Help's general philosophy is that all kids' feelings must surface before we can begin to understand their unique needs. Research has shown that all behaviors are need driven and all behaviors are learned. When we understand childrens' needs, we discover the path to their feelings and can modify their behavior to without coercion.
Sign up for one of Indy Parent Help's SERVICES to begin your parenting journey
317-508-1667(Indiana) or firstname.lastname@example.org
"Everything we say needs to be good and helpful so that our words are encouraging to the children who hear them." Becky Kapsalis