Indy Parent Help Blog

This is an appeal to all Moms, Dads and anyone in charge of babies! GET THE BABY OUT OF YOUR ARMS, LAY THE BABY DOWN IN A SAFE PLACE; walk out of the room, turn the music up loud , cover your ears, pull out your hair, take a shower, whack some pillows, pound your fists on a wall, do whatever it takes to get relief, but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER shake your baby {rattling his brain) because you can no longer listen to your baby’s cry. To give you a visual, I’d like to repeat how a fellow parent coach (Labrene Lucas) demonstrates to other parents what happens to an infants brain (actually up to 2 yrs. old) when a child suffers from SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME. She places an egg (representing the child’s brain) in an empty plastic container ( i.e. Cool Whip) (representing the child’s head); placing the lid on top she proceeds to vigorously shake, shake, shake the container for 10 seconds. Opening the lid and looking at the condition of the egg is similar to what happens to a child’s brain when they are shaken, causing Shaken Baby Syndrome resulting in severe brain damage and, possibly, even death. The whole egg (brain) can never be put back together again.

I understand the build up of stress when a crying baby cannot be comforted. One of my babies had colic and only slept for 15 minutes of every hour. The other 45 minutes were spent in trying to comfort him and keep him from crying. I had other children at the time so it wasn’t as though I could focus all of my attention on this one baby. I could feel what the lack of sleep, the constant noise, the guilt of not being able to comfort my child was doing to my nervous system. But I also knew that this child was a human being and totally dependent on me. I knew that the child was not choosing to cry and was, for whatever reason, crying out for my help. I also knew that, one day the crying would stop, even if it took months. Yet, if I didn’t get some relief for myself right now, I would be of no help to my child.

If you feel you are at your wit’s end (and most of us can FEEL the build-up), with a crying baby and you are tempted to shake your infant into submission, the kindest thing you can do for the baby and for yourself is to: First, get the child out of your arms and into a safe environment. Second, find a safe environment for yourself; Thirdly, seek relief from a spouse, parent, neighbor, friend, Doctor or Priest. Letting a child cry (safely)for however long, far outweighs the consequences of SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME! For more information log on to www.preventchildabuse.com/sbs.shtml

I’d like to take this time to remind all my readers the intent of my writings. As parents, child raisers, educators, coaches and/or child mentors I hope to open your minds to alternative methods for raising your children with the understanding that you are doing the best job you know how. “I’ve never met a parent who wakes up in the morning and says ‘How can I mess up my kid today’?” writes Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting.

It is my desire to help you understand why, perhaps, your current parenting methods aren’t providing you with the satisfactory results you intended them for. I am not a child psychologist, doctor nor do I claim to be an expert on raising children. What I am is a mother, grandmother, child advocate and certified parenting coach helping parents respond to the ‘daily challenges” of raising children. My motto, “Where you are I’ve been…where I’m at you’re coming” Anna Demas – was my own mom’s (broken English) mantra. There is a sense of urgency attached to my intentions since ‘we don’t get today back’ with children and the need to raise decent kids is a work-in-progress.

TODAY’S TIP:
Leo writes “Behavior is NEED DRIVEN. We do what we do to get our needs met”. Next time your child is acting in an undesirable manner try asking: What is it you ‘need’ [name]? instead of: What do you want? Even though the child may not be able to tell you what s/he needs, the question grabs a hold of their intangible feelings. ‘Wants’ are tangible and usually taken care of by the child. Needs, on the other hand, require your assistance and interest. Even without the child being aware of their need based responses, they benefit by taking responsibility for the undesirable behavior putting the oneness on them to resolve it with your guidance. Hugs!