Indy Parent Help Blog

“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like, consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to nature.” Charles Haanel

Like attracts Like. What our kids like – what attracts them -is our crystal ball into their mental and emotional attitude. The friends they like; the television stations they like; the subjects they like in school; the reading and music they like; the extra curricular activities they like, are all conditions as they correspond to their nature.

What attracts them may or may not be what you have in mind for them during their developmental years, but what attracts them is the magnet of what comes naturally. What’s a parent to do if our kids are drawn to things they like that can be harmful to their development? Some attractions are simply natural curiosity or experimentation. Others, such as tearing petals off of flowers, taking scissors to curtains, writing nasty or threatening notes, listening to satanic type music are clues into the child’s mental and emotional attitude. Clues that need our undivided attention to prevent them from hurting themselves or others. Clues that sometimes require professional attention to the problem.

As a benchmark for noticing what attracts them, i.e. watching TV programs we find inappropriate, it is best to find out what the attraction is. Questions such as “What is it about this program that attracts your attention?”; “Would you like to be one of the characters in the program?” “Which one and why?” Whatever the response, this provides a clue as to what he or she is leaning towards.

It’s been recorded that kid’s do not suddenly turn into hurtful beings. They, unknowingly, provide us with clues all through their developmental stages. It is up to us to pay attention to the clues so that we can magnetize their attractions to beneficial likenesses. Hugs!

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try- a different approach.” Okay, I’ve changed the words of a famous quote but I feel it’s appropriate when dealing with our teenagers. Time and again we find ourselves arguing with our teen, not so much about the issue at hand but rather the unacceptable back talk, power struggle or just plain obstinacy. What’s a parent to do? We can surprise the heck out of them by responding in a way they least expect. First, really listening to what they are feeling gives us a chance to respond in a way that tells them “we hear them”. Secondly, if they know we will not take their misbehaving personally, they tend to open up and learn that it’s okay to talk about their feelings. This won’t happen overnight. But with patience, consistency and fairness, teen-agers learn that positive behavior goes much further in the trust arena.

By the time our kids reach their teens, they’ve learned which of our buttons to push to get us to respond in the manner they can count on. It’s up to us to break discipline patterns that have not worked and give the responsibility for the bad behavior back to them, where it rightfully belongs. Some examples are: “I’ll be happy to respond to your request when you choose a better tone with me. ” No argument. Or, “I worry about some changes in you since you’ve been hanging out with your new friends.” (might open up dialogue with what the real reason is for change). When teens dress or act in a way that does not conform to our living standards we might ask “What are you really trying to say by the way you are dressing/ acting? “

Our responses allow us to keep our cool and not enter into combative situations. It comes as no surprise that our teens really do want us to help them stay out of trouble. We’re the most important people in the world to them. We’re their only backstop. Hugs!

I’m often asked “YiaYia, what age kids do you focus your parenting classes on?” My response is “Whichever age your kids are because I focus on empowering parents.” It doesn’t make sense for me to put the cart before the horse. Without parents there would be no kids. Parent development is my focus, not to advise you on how to raise your kids (you’re the best), but rather to help you find alternative approaches to your kids’ behavioral challenges; approaches that have proven to be effective in the development of children of all ages; approaches that I am using on my own children and grandchildren today that I wish someone had helped me with when I was young and eager to be the best parent I could be. Granted, having raised my family, I have the luxury of time and patience along with graduating from the Academy for Coaching Parents, which emboldens me to help parents of all aged children to participate and enjoy the parenting journey; a journey that has no final destination; a journey that maintains an everlasting connection between parent and child through mutual respect, honor and spirituality.

And I’m not just talking to Moms. Dads are parents too. In fact, I’m going out on a limb here, but there wouldn’t be Moms without Dads. How’s that for a potentially forgotten perspective? In any case, I want to be your parent morale booster. I want to remind you how important you are to your kids. I want to be the shot in the arm you might need when frustration, second guessing or guilt permeate your ability to communicate effectively with your kids. Married, single, adoptive, foster parents all have one thing in common……KIDS! We owe it to them to parent with the best tools available to us. Sharing and improving on the tools we’ve been given will help build the kindest, most decent kids we are capable of developing.

I’ve learned that everything is a choice; that every problem has a solution; that parents were kids first and that kids are people too! What age kids do I focus on? However old YOU are. Hugs!