Indy Parent Help Blog

These were the words of Michael Mendizza co-author of Magical Parent, Magical Child. At a recent parenting seminar in Dallas, I learned a lot about parenting. Even as a wife of 47yrs, mother of 5 adult children, grandmother of 18 (ranging in ages 2 –19yrs), I was astounded to learn that there is a simple, fun, extraordinary style of parenting that empowers parents to empower their children to be the most decent people they can be. That is, after all, what we ultimately should be striving for. To raise decent kids. The external successes will come naturally when we raise our kids to have a self-worth through emotional intelligence. Some experts have documented evidence showing emotional intelligence (EQ) can be more important than I.Q.

When you consider that we are all products of parents-EVERYTHING begins with us.

The last 30 yrs. has shown a definite correlation between the breakdown of families and a disconnection with their children. None of this is intentional. Parents simply have been giving more credence to external (cultural, societal and environmental) influences rather than what you know in your heart to be the most important influence. YOU!

What if your LIFE is your parenting message? What if how you choose to live your life is your child’s introduction OF YOU when s/he steps out into their world?. What if the lessons you design, the tips you impart, the learning experiences you arrange, the lectures you deliver, the advice you share, the words of wisdom you speak to your children do not have as much impact on them as the way you live?

Are you modeling the message you want your children to learn? Take the quiz below and find out. Read each item and answer yes or no. See the scale at the end to determine your healthy-modeling quotient.

1. I share my feelings with “I” messages.
2. My children see me eat healthy and nutritious foods.
3. I exercise regularly in view of my children.
4. I don’t put tobacco, drugs, or alcohol in my system.
5. When I’m stuck and not sure what to do next, my children hear me ask for help.
6. When I’m faced with a crisis, my behavior shows that I am more interested in a search for solutions than in handing out blame and punishment.
7. When I’m feeling hurt or angry, I communicate it with an “I” statement and refrain from sulking, pouting and yelling.
8. I regularly show affection to my partner in my children’s presence.
9. I demonstrate my caring by regularly engaging in activities with my children that they enjoy.
10. I model for my children how to grieve a loss when they show sadness and tears.
11. I am comfortable in assuming the role of learner on occasion and allowing my child to take the lead.
12. I create a shared control style of family management by regularly gathering in-put from all family members.
13. I model closeness and affection by giving my children regular hugs, smiles, and eye contact.
14. I show by my behavior that being with the family is more important than doing for the family.
15. I have a support group of close friends whom my children see frequently.
16. My children see me practice my spiritual faith on a regular basis
17. I demonstrate my respect for the environment by refusing to litter or to spoil or waste natural resources.
18. My children know what I value and believe, and they see me consistently living according to those beliefs and values.
19. My children see me treat living things, including plants and animals, with respect and reverence.
20. I admit to mistakes, and my children see me make amends quickly.

Count the number of items you answered, “yes” to and find it on the scale below.

20-19 – FANTASTIC – You are regularly demonstrating and modeling what your children need to see from you. Give yourself a pat on the back.
18-16 – VERY GOOD – Your children will benefit from your modeling a majority of these values. Congratulations.
15-13 – ADEQUATE – You are modeling many good things for your children and you have some work to do. Why not pick out one item you answered “no” to and begin demonstrating that behavior today?
12 and below – NEEDS IMPROVEMENT – Although you demonstrate some admirable modeling behaviors, you have a lot of work to do. Your children are worth it. Begin today by adding to your repertoire of healthy-modeling behaviors.

EXTRA CREDIT BONUS QUESTION: If you considered each item seriously and answered it honestly, give yourself two bonus points. Now refigure your score.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of this role modeling quiz. They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit www.thomashaller.com or www.chickmoorman.com.