Indy Parent Help Blog

The old adage “Children should be seen and not heard” is exactly that – an OLD adage, less likely to be used today but definitely not appropriate if we want our children to learn to speak up for themselves. We, also, do not want them interrupting, monopolizing our time or persistently challenging us with their incessant questions. So, it’s up to us parents to regulate and teach our children when and how to speak up. Parent Talk authors Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller offer some suggestions:

1. When they don’t understand something, teach them to say “I don’t understand this,” “Can you help me figure this out?” and “Will you explain this to me?”
2. We teach and encourage our children to express their opinions when we ask “What do you think about that?” “Do you have a different thought about that?” or “What’s your opinion?”
3. Children need to be taught to speak up whenever they experience inappropriate touch. Being touched in the private areas is always inappropriate. Teach your children to speak up clearly if inappropriate touch occurs. Teach them to say “Nobody gets to touch me there.” Help your teen to say “It’s my body and I want you to respect it” or “The answer is no and I don’t need a reason.” Teach young children to use their voice to tell you if anyone touches them inappropriately. Practice with them saying “Dad, Billy touched me,” or “I got a wrong touch.”
4. Children should be taught to snitch or tattle only when they or someone is in clear danger. If they are witness to a dangerous situation they should speak up with quick and direct words. “Mom-Shannon needs help,” or “Dad – Jack threatened me.”

Teaching our children to speak up for themselves using appropriate words teaches them self-confidence and encourages independent action. Hugs!

We parents and influencers over a child’s life are travelling on a journey encompassing the most significant ribbon of highway of our adult life as parents or child care providers. Nothing we will ever accomplish measures up to the accomplishment of developing kind and decent children. Parents, the cornerstone of all civilization, are empowered to develop and shape the life of a child. How we develop and shape our children is how we develop and shape the world. We are the blue print, foundation and architects over our children. We can build on our foundation or cause the foundation to crack; we can teach them to build self-worth or we can create distrust; we can indelibly draw on our strengths or sketch out our weaknesses. The answers lie within us.

Whether we travel as single parents or a family, the parental road is not without its u-turns, sharp curves, up and down hills and often, rough terrain. It’s during these times that we are tested. It’s during these times that we often forget to take our children to where they want to go, rather than where we think they need to be taken. During these times we get depressed, angry, sad, feel guilty, become afraid, get stressed or second guess our intentions. It is precisely these times that we need to be reminded that our children are gifts from God. How we develop them is our reciprocal gift to God. Everything we do is a choice; and all problems have solutions on God’s time frame. It is up to us, through our own parented influences, inheritances, beliefs and childhood experiences, to patiently work through the road blocks to get to the open and smooth road ahead. Fortunately, it takes years to develop a child. The road can be long and narrow but, with God’s help the journey is a well travelled path leading to the next road worthy generation – perpetuating goodness. Hugs!

A reader asks “Is it my responsibility as a grandmother to babysit the grandkids whenever my daughter and son-in-law feel the need to go out or do I have the right to say ‘I’m sorry. I’m really tired this weekend’?”

Dear Reader, Sincerity goes a long way in maintaining an honest relationship with your daughter and son-in-law. Watching the grandkids when you feel you’re being taken advantage of can lead to serious resentments by all parties.

Grandparents want to enjoy their grandkids and be a positive influence in their development. One of the first things to do to establish that relationship is to share a good relationship with their parents. Babysitting is one sure way of getting as close to the grandkids as you can. However, babysitting because you feel guilty if you say no or being made to feel like a heartless grandparent if you say no, builds great resentment to and from everyone involved . By all standards you should be honest with your daughter and son-in-law and let them know there are times that :

#1 – You want your grandkids to know you as their grandmother and not just somebody who comes around when their parents are out. You’re an extension not a substitute.

#2 – You have a life of your own that includes babysitting if it fits into your free-time schedule.

It’s the push-pull theory. Grandparents are likely to be pushed away when it doesn’t suit the kids and then pulled into situations when the kids feel they need them. A good approach to take, as a grandparent, is to remember what it was like when you were either a parent or parent-in-law. What was your relationship with your children’s grandparents and what did you feel were their responsibilities to you and your kids? You may find you did some push/pulling of your own and if it’s honest, above board and cooperative, babysitting a little or a lot becomes your choice.

Hugs!