Indy Parent Help Blog

It pains me to write about child abuse but if my article will save one child from the trauma of emotional abuse, it will have been worth it.  All abuses are ugly whether they are physical or emotional.  Unfortunately, we can’t see the scars of emotional abuse as readily as we see the scars from physical abuse. Experts believe the emotional scars last well into adult hood creating a vicious cycle.  Our parenting inheritances kick in when we become parents.   If we were emotionally abused as children we’re likely to abuse our children.  It is up to us to break the cycle.

Awareness is the first step in correcting emotional abuses.  We are perpetrators of emotional child abuse if we:

• Make a child feel unimportant or undeserving of respect by belittling them.
• Respond in opposition to a child’s comments and continually point out errors and mistakes.
• Find fault, are dismissive, make rude remarks in a joking, often sarcastic way, creating emotional put-downs.
• Tease, harass or ridicule our children.
• Refuse to provide emotional support, share information or otherwise not allow the child to participate in family matters.
• Shift the blame –scapegoat–to make our child take the blame for others.
• Criticize, correct and are relentlessly finding fault.
• Intimidate through words or actions that threaten harm or loss of something important to our child.
• Express criticism or disapproval of them through name-calling tactics.
• Lash out angrily by yelling, screaming, or issue demands.

If we see ourselves displaying any of the above, it becomes imperative that we notice what we are doing so that we, and our children, have the chance to overcome any emotional abuses of parental inheritances.  It’s never too early or too late to affect the change needed to offer emotional stability to our most precious commodities. If any of the above mentioned emotional abuses are intentional, seek professional help.  Our children deserve the right to a life of emotional security and freedom.  Hugs! Source: www.focusas.com

Children who live with patience – defined as the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties – learn to endure waiting, delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset and to preserver calmly when faced with difficulties.

I’ll bet you didn’t realize you’re children were learning patience while you were living patience.  Our kids live with our patience every day.  Consider the fact that in the course of raising children we have the ability to endure waiting (doctor’s visits come to mind); we endure delays (getting homework done on time); we endure provocation (sibling rivalries) without getting annoyed or upset – hmmmmm – we may have to rethink this one-but I know we persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.  See, in a course of one day, you’ve exercised patience without knowing it.  I think it’s time you recognize your patience so you can take credit for having it. 

Patience is not about letting our kids get away with any behavior we find unacceptable.  Patience is persevering calmly in spite of temper tantrums, backtalk, hitting, spitting, bullying, cursing, and any generally poor behavior.  Patience does not include power struggles or egocentric behavior.   Patience sets in when we realize that we do not own the above mentioned behaviors. They belong to the perpetrator.  Patience does not blame, accuse, excuse, manipulate, judge, evaluate or compare.  Patience endures!  Patience perseveres!  Patience is not gender specific and does not discriminate.

The ability to endure waiting is, probably, the greatest evidence of a patient parent.  Waiting for the school bus to pick up and deliver our children; waiting in checkout lanes in the grocery store to see our kids are fed properly; waiting for our kids to get to and from extracurricular activities.  See yourself in any of these ‘patient’ driven activities?  How you handle your patience is what you are teaching your kids.  Patience is a learned virtue.  Hugs!